It’s been a week. It’s been a month. It’s been a year.

February 2024 was when I lost one of my oldest friends.

It hit hard.

It sent me on a spiral of grief and loss that got mixed in with missing my daughter, missing being with someone and worrying about my friends and family. A great big mental sponge cake of grief with a filling of sadness. What a crappy cake that is!

As is so often the case I find writing it down is a way to help understand and contextualise my feelings.

I know terrible things are going on in the world and many others are going through worse, but as we all know our pain is as valid as the next person’s. We are all dealing with our issues, our own loss, our own demons.

While it sometimes doesn’t feel like it, we are all in this together and we are not alone. You are not alone. I am not alone. Friends (both in real life and on the internet) are here for you and me. The fact you are reading this is a small piece of that pie.

It is friends and family that have helped me through this and we have spent time together remembering those we lost. It has involved lots of laughter, lots of talk and lots of hugs. I feel and hope that I have also helped them a little.

It seems in my grief, from this recent loss but also the sadness that has been with me for such a long time, I keep trying to find ways to spend time with others or to get people together. From board games and D&D nights to dinner parties and days out. They don’t always happen as planned but most of them work out. Add into the mix events and nights out planned by others which are always a joy.

February has had more reasons than ever to try and do that, but the irony is the sadness and exhaustion that surrounds times like this also sapped my energy for improv and other things that would have been beneficial. It is what it is and you cannot force a heavy heart to rise when all it wants to do is lie down.

Yet what I could face ended up being just the ticket, while always being over all too soon.

Painting miniatures with my best friend and watching their skills develop.

A night in the Rose & Crown when we had heard the terrible news. Everyone coming together to support each other on that night and then round at a friend’s house the next night for more the same and the mention of flesh muppets!

A special evening of Dungeons & Dragons that saw players and characters from three campaigns come together at a tavern called The Curious Traveller to say farewell to all of Del’s characters. They headed off to the greatest adventure of all time, while Del lives on in the world of D&D as the landlord of the tavern.

A wet weekend morning for breakfast at The Refreshment Rooms. Walking along the banks of the River Mersey watching a helicopter fly back and forth.

Board game nights full of gossip, innuendo and mint tea.

A surprise invite to meet old friends I have not seen since school.

The long walk on a cold February day to various pubs and through muddy fields brought many of us together. A day full of smiles, laughter and good memories both old and new. Delicious beer, warm fires and sitting in a comfy chair listening to the sound of those I love talking about old times.

Spending time with my family. Mum and Dad being silly and loving. My brother treating us to sushi.

Then the funeral to say farewell to Del. A eulogy I never thought I’d have to write, but brought back the memory of good times of a life well lived that we should all take as inspiration. A packed Rose & Crown afterward saw friends from different aspects of his life come together to have a drink, have a laugh, have a cry. Then back to mine for more of the same.

Messages from my daughter about art and music. Messages that make me happy from having the contact yet sad for knowing it is not as it once was.

A walk in the park with my best friend, taking new photos of her for work. Making her laugh and smile by being silly to get the perfect shot. The joy of being silly is so often overlooked.

I’ve got some good things to look forward to over the next few weeks and months - a comedy magic show, beer festival, a Star Wars card game launch, pub crawls, game days, D&D nights, plus other things.

I’m tired and this has been a lot longer than planned so I will bring it to a close. As always, if you’ve read this far I thank you.

I hope you are doing okay and as well as you can be. Take care of yourself and keep on keeping on.

First published on Facebook 1st March 2024.