Did I blink? How can it almost be the end of November? The last time I looked it was the middle of 2024.
Well, it turns out that when you are struck down with a hideous bout of the flu time gets stretched out of whack.
It got me at the tail end of September and I was bed-bound for a while. Then it has been a long slow recovery with chronic fatigue giving way to episodes of total energy loss until finally I am almost back to myself. There are still the occasional dips in energy and I keep getting aches and pains in places that never used to do that, but it has been good getting out and seeing friends once again.
Oh, it feels good to be writing again. I must not push things too fast, but hopefully drawing will once again reach my fingers.
However, just because illness stopped me doesn’t mean time stopped. The Old Father just kept on marching along to the beat of his drum.
During that time a good friend of mine fell and broke bones. A blessing in disguise as the doctors found some health issues that can now be treated, but could have gotten worse if not discovered. Funny how things work out like that.
Playing Dungeons & Dragons and other RPGs has been good. I have been enjoying the ongoing Delta Green RPG campaign. There is something about cosmic horror of that and Call of Cthulhu that just really works for me. Seeing the players creeping out, but working on solving the mystery is extremely satisfying and always love how much laughter there is despite the terrible events that unfold each session.
This week saw many of us from the original D&D group head off to a lovely meal at a local Greek restaurant. I ate far too much but it was so delicious. Baklava was ordered in memory of my friend Derek who often brought some to sessions of D&D.
Yet, the biggest moment of the past few months (I am trying to ignore the US election) was also the saddest. One of our oldest family friends, Geoff “Plum” Palmer, died and it was such a shock. I have known him for as long as I can remember and the fact I will never see him again saddens me immeasurably. No more will I hear him cry out “Gee Whiz!”
Sam, his son, did him proud with an incredible eulogy.
Loss and grief hurt so much, but are part of our life and always will be. It is the celebration of the life of those we lose that helps us keep going forward and Plum’s funeral was very much that. Lots of laughter amidst the tears. So many lovely memories and moments.
In a sad, strange kind of way, it feels like Plum’s funeral was a bookend to Derek’s - One of my oldest family friends and one of my oldest friends. Between them it has felt almost like things have been in stasis, trapped in amber. Yet, it now feels like an unspoken permission has been given for me to be able to carry on. Holding on to the memories of those lost to time, and making new memories with those around us.
Like coming out of hibernation….which is ironic as we head into winter!
Grief works in weird ways. The bookends always changing for everyone. Grief for the loss of one person lessens over time, while grief for a fresh loss can hit hard and cause memories of that previous loss to bubble up again. Then there is the grief felt for a loved one who has not died but who is not seen or heard from in a long time. A constant gnawing on the psyche that never lets up. Some days worse than others…like tinnitus of the soul!
There are days when I feel the tears will never stop, there are days when it
Yet, while grief never fully goes away it can become easier to cope with.
As Vision said in Marvel’s WandaVision, "What is grief, if not love persevering?"
There are always things to look forward to. Even if it does not feel like that in the moment.
I have birthdays coming up for people I care deeply about. Adventures to be had at ancient stone circles. There is the spark of potential for new beginnings with others. Sitting around the kitchen table with good friends as we travel fantastical worlds having wild adventures. The possibility of LARPing has been whispered. I will be getting back to doing some comedy improv (always good to be silly with people). There will be times meeting up in warm pubs for a pint after walks in the frosty English weather.
Then there is Christmas on the near horizon - A time of year I love, even if I do not get to see all those I do love. A time spent with friends and family and I will undoubtedly eat far too much.
Until we speak again, hug those you love. Check on your elderly neighbours. Keep on keeping on and I love you all.
Be seeing you!
